I feel pain.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to
accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we
can't live without but have to let go.
There are those promises I was hoping to work out. I thought that fixing it slowly by making it all up again was something I should do or to never lose faith on making our family together. As expected, those promises made broken so was my heart and all I hoped for. No one understands because all I just wanted was to make it all up again yet he never changes. He keeps my heart broken and I'm tired. So exhausted from all his lies and promised to love me no matter what.
Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best
relieved by the letting of a little water.
It's like I just want to write it all off because I can see I don't deserve this pain that I felt today and everyday. I just feel that I am biased but it all. I was the one making effort to make us work and accept his love and forgiveness. He was someone I thought would totally change for the good of our relationship and to make a new start slowly by fixing it. He broke my heart before and yet again he made it once more. I wonder why he won't change, is it because he love me so much he can't bare all the pain that's why he has the guts to hurt me? It doesn't make sense when he told me I don't understand his feelings at all when I totally am yet I make it easy for us because they're are other people we should understand also and not being selfish of what we should do for our happiness.
Then we have different opinions and decisions that made us feel apart from each other. This decision made us choose to be away from each other and misunderstandings left us broken.
The worst part is we decided to be apart but there this piece or connection that keep us intact and it is indeed our child, Adam. I felt bad from it all because If I could just turn back time and listened from all my instincts before things wouldn't got worst. But, we can't change whats already happened. We are all broken and I have to accept it now. Maybe that's the only thing I should keep him as a part of me because I can't give myself once more, he broke my heart so badly I won't let him kill it for good.
yet again, its not the end of the world and on the other hand.. I miss myself. I tried not to be selfish yet sometimes when life decides to break your heart and stop loving someone maybe its all good if you just let yourself be loved by those people who truly deserve your feelings.
I decided to conquer my dreams and no one can stop me now. This time I should never lose focus and I know I will. I won't be affected anymore and this broken heart of mine, I will shower it with everyday happiness on little things that can make me appreciate and inspires me. To be intact with heart breaks make me feel hopeless and I don't deserve it. Most people in this world felt it also so I'm not the only one getting the same part but I just feel like I am more blessed than they're are because I saw this things happened early still. I can change for the better and make those people I love the most happy.
For the most part, I'm free and single. Maybe that should be it by now. I know broken hearts heal and I accept it. I should love myself now not him. I know his just a guy who makes me feel love yet not. A particular someone I believed I can be with for the rest of my life yet he just can't. I know I'll missed him yet its all over, the damage had been made. I just hoped for the best from both of us. I know things will get better if we just accept it.
I don't hate LOVE
coz I know I deserve LOVE.
xo Anna
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