"Death is peaceful, Life is Harder."
-Bella, Twilight.
I'm such an awful cheerful these days. I tried to wear a mask which I'm showing people I'm still strong and really try to ignore all those criticism that I get to take up everyday. It's really giving me a major depression because all those thoughts keep repeating inside my head. Its like life is giving me a huge burden inside my chest I don't how long I can take this pains inside.
Though I keep still thinking of many ways I should really put myself into. I thought of an option on really go somewhere else. Be my own and just try to work and also earn at the same time. Maybe it should be best if ill go somewhere far because it hurts me alot to see this depressing situations that also affect this people that I love.
Being hated is really not the love that I really want to feel of. The feeling of showing it to you makes you wanna runaway and be gone. It's like never wanting you is also not wanting yourself. I guess thats not the way it should supposed to be. Life is so unfair when people only look up to those people who should they must respect of. People who lost their ways also needs a chance to change their ways or understand their situation not hating them or criticize them to death. It's worth not to be respected if you have that kind of attitude towards others.
Some people only look above when there already up as they called that and then they had this attitude where they're eating them alive. I think people like them is worth to be hated. Criticism is really not my friend after all and saying it to other people is really not a good feeling at all. Eventhough some people see me that way, I wouldn't do it to others because I don't want them to feel the way I felt today.
I always feel like I'm hopeless because I get to fight all my troubles especially my bad habits and the consequences I still need to fix up. I still feel like I'm haunted with my own monsters and locked inside a room together with them.
But I still hope for the best. Even though sometimes I feel alone and hated. Try to communicate with god is the major hope I still look up to. I also feel he is also disappointed with me because I get to fail him in many ways. I do promises which I never did anyway and all things from the past I know he thinks I should pay for. But you know God is good. I know there will come a time he will help me. I always tell him my decisions but I want him give me a sign if I should do it or not. But still I'm uncertain.
But for now, I'm certain about love. I mean not only love for a person towards affection but understanding and chances. Deny for hate and really just be happy even though we are like walking on threads and we are miles or higher apart with each other.
Also loving thyself. You're the only one who could take chances with your own so don't lose the grip. I know I do now. I know things is really rough and depressing me lately but still I'm holding on. Not by hate but by love. When you feel like its impossible to feel it like the situation like mine just embrace reality and choose the right decisions to ignore things and channel yourself for something which you can let all the feeling swell upon.
I always try to wear a smile and think that everythings going to be alright, I know it will. Depression is always an enemy. Love for yourself is a tool. And Hoping is a road towards absolute happiness.
PS:
Please Spread the LOVE!!!!
Even others do not,
For me Love is a great feeling and spreading it is a must because there are others out there who struggle to cope up with there own monsters that they don't know its eating them whole. I must say its a feeling one must have and we deserve to be.
It's either write your heart out or freely show it. Just do love!
what I want is,
We all need is...
and
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
I really love this picture! This is with my sisters jumping up high! I really love them because they never fail to understand me and love me...
I think this is for now,
xoAnna
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