Living in a material world.

Living in a material world

This words came up into my thoughts while listening to Madonna.
I downloaded lots of songs from 80's and 90's.... I guess I'm really not into new songs now except if it really affects me. ^^ I also relate this words to something that really made me realize about this world of ours. Even though I never did get the chance to explain myself and change for the better, they're all bumming me out and tear me to pieces because their criticizing me to death and they feel I'm a wasted shit that became apart of the very high class family.

Gosh.. I'm such a burden and it sucks out the hell out of me. I know I can't change what damage had been done but I guess I do deserve to change things right?
Is it really matter to have a wealthy life to deserve full respect and have the right to judge someone who they never knew what those consequences they suffered. I guess this world is so unfair to be treated like this and its so fucking materialistic.
All I ever wanted was a sense of understanding why my life or other people out there turned out the opposite ways. No one wanted to be like this and being labeled to be awful is the cruel way you can hurt someone.

The worst scenario was when my twin sisters came a visit to us last Saturday with my relatives from Leyte. I never thought that seeing them again was the saddest feeling I could ever have because as they arrive they came up with this advices where you felt not respected as their eldest sister and a kind of idiot at same time. As I realize what they're pointing at, they seem really affected by all I did from the past till now that they also treated as somewhat related to it. So it seems like I'm making their life miserable because I'm such a burden to take. They see me as a troublesome and stubborn who always does nothing which complicates their lives. This is because they're surrounded with this materialistic relatives who they see themselves as the mighty ones and they should be followed by it. The ones who treated that this unfortunate ones should be criticized and get rid upon.

Is this they way a man should be? Do you think making someone feel awful would make this difference change. I don't think so and I think that is also they're fucking problem.